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Posted By Opening the Heart

   I have been seeing Carolyn in therapy in my office for over five years. She gave me permission to share this story and I agreed to change the details to protect privacy. Carolyn was sexually abused for many years by her grandfather growing up, while her mother did not have the strength of character to protect her.

   Carolyn's first marriage ended after continuous abuse when he ran off with another woman. Carolyn was in a second bad marriage when she first came to see me. She did  what I call 'soul retrieval' work: learning how to speak up and to take healthy care of herself and to stop taking care of wounded men. She had begun to think about a future and even the possibility of dating again, though she expressed fear about this.

   I remember one day in my office, very clearly, when she just became silent. She closed her eyes and, finally, opened them, wet with tears, and looked right at me with those piercing, sad eyes and she said "Jon, are there any good men in the world?" I waited for the question to settle and then told her what I believe: "There are, absolutely, Carolyn!"

   A year and a half later she found a good man and began to see him on a regular basis. I told her what I believed, again, which was not that a "good man" finally appeared, but that, because she was seeing the world through wiser, clearer eyes, she was making coices, all kinds of choices, that were more in alignment with her Deep Knowing, her intuition.

   "He may not be the man of my dreams, Jon, and, in some ways, he doesn't 'get me', but he's a good man. We laugh and cook together and have fun." She told me he had lost his wife five years before in a car accident and she had been the love of his life, and he still could not stop thinking about her and grieving her going away. "He doesn't talk about feelings or his growing up, but he's kind", Carolyn said.

   Carolyn told me that he recently took her to a beautiful rock looking west into Narragansett Bay and, after a silence, Richard said to Carolyn, and to the wind "I remember my father took me fishing here...." This was the kind of opening Carolyn said he almost never gave her. She waited, watching the surf break on the rocks as the sun set lower in the sky. "Can I talk to him, Richard? I feel him here". He looked confused but he sais "Yes"....

   "John, I'm Carolyn and I'm going out with your son. I wanted you to know what a good man he turned out to be. He builds beautiful homes and he is a loving and kind man. He doesn't have a great sense of humor, but we laugh a lot anyway. Thank you for being his father and thank you for this moment." Carolyn watched Richard's eyes mist over and then she asked  Richard if he ever brought Lauren (his wife) to this rock. He said "Yes". Carolyn asked if it would be okay if she talked to Lauren. Richard agreed....

   "Lauren, if you didn't already know, Richard has loved you with all his heart. He has not stopped thinking about you even one day since you left. Your leaving left a very big hole in his heart that no one can ever really fill. We hang out together. We take walks, we cook and we have fun and I know sometimes, when he doesn't think I'm looking, I see him remembering you in those deep, sad eyes of his. Thank you for letting me share time with him. I will take very loving care of him".... Carolyn saw a tear fall from Richard's eyes onto the Rock of Remembering. As the sun set, he took her hand and, silently, they walked back to the car.

   With Love and Respect, Jon Jon


2 Comment(s):
jon berenson said...
Dear Marina, Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad it was helpful to you. Warm Regards, Jon
August 23, 2012 07:04:08
Marina said...
thank you for sharing this wonderful's funny how things come when you need them, and I needed to hear this story. In peace, health and love.
August 22, 2012 09:52:43
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