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Posted By Opening the Heart

   In early July I posted a piece for this blog called "30,880,440 Minutes of Disconnection". In it, I shared my experience of having grown up in my family where my mother and her father, my grandfather, didn't speak during all the years that I had grown up in that house. What I did not share was that I have two brothers who grew up in that home with me. It had never occurred to me until I wrote the "Disconnection" piece that my two brothers and I had not really talked at any length with each other about what that unusual environment had been like for us. That is, until I e-mailed the blog to each of them and asked them for their honest feedback, reactions, thoughts or feelings about the piece.

   Both of my brothers were of one mind. They advised me to get over it. One even used that very phrase: "Jon, I understand that you do a lot of work with helping people move through their feelings, but I would suggest that you broaden your horizons and get over it."

   Well, I did ask for honest feedback. I love my brothers. They're both kind men, good fathers and caring husbands. But I was left wondering "How"? How exactly, does one get over something that cuts deeply, whether it happened recently or 50 years ago? One of my brothers asked "Jon, what is there to talk about- It happened so long ago...." I thought of all the people who have come to my office with a secret or a wound that they had never really been able to get over. They had tried forgetting, distracting themselves with work or alcohol, and many had actually convinced themselves that something bad had never really happened. The problem, I felt, was that in burying it, they had tried to bury it alive.

   So, I guess what I've come to believe is that, actually, "getting over it" means moving through it, facing it, talking about it with a dear friend or a therapist. "Getting over it" is a good thing, a necessary and healthy thing.

   I am not obsessed or fixated about the 40 years of disconnection between my mother and grandfather. I am moving through it by journaling in this blog and by talking to my brothers. I'm grateful that I have the skills and loving support to help me put my childhood in perspective.

   I think about the skills and loving support that are used at an Opening the Heart Workshop to help so many people "get over" deep wounds in a healthy and healing way. Needing to "empty the cup before it can be filled" (Kabir) works for me and it really is okay that it may not work for someone else.


With Love and Respect, Jon


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